Criticism and Comparison

Lately I’ve been using my two favorite self-deprecating superpowers- criticism and comparison- to peg me in last place, in terms of my platform.

The growth has been steady and subtle in terms of follows, subscriptions, and likes. And I told myself from the jump that I wasn’t going to create or promote solely for the sake of numbers. That I was going to create organically and specifically for the audience I am searching for. That I wouldn’t aim for quantity, but praise quality in my followers.

And those who have loyally and patiently followed me thus far have proven that it’s worth the wait- that my audience is truly A1 and introspective and working to better themselves and their communities.

The largest struggle I have had within my posting and promoting is the fact that I refuse to post or promote on my private pages. I refuse to fuel the slanderous fire of small-town-gossip and interconnected miscommunication about my vulnerability. About my truths, and my past. I refuse to hand information to relatives and associates that would take the parts of my story they deem crude, dirty, or dangerous, and hold those pieces closest to their heart.

And it’s when I think this deeply about my conflict with my private accounts that I question the quality within my private relationships. Question why I feel obliged to keep folx who do not serve to bring me up past conservative morals in my circle. Why I bother to confide in those who would cringe at some of my material.

And it’s when I think this deeply about other’s conflict with my material that I find myself wishing I created work that was more easily-digestible and comforting. Tutorials, bright and cheery trending clips, quick scripts and tight lips- you know, the kind of stuff that blows platforms up big and fast.

But if I did any of those, I would be losing the point of my material- To challenge and chuckle in the face of disaster. To retell and reiterate stories and lessons along my path.

To be truly true to myself and my niche.

Thank you to the friends and fam that I have let into my circle of creativity within this blog and my vlog- your feedback and constructive criticism has made a world of difference in teaching me to love and trust the process.

May you be well, May you be happy, May you be free from suffering.

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