(Blog) Changes Coming!

It is with great nostalgia and excitement that I write my last weekly blog post today.

But never fear, I am not going anywhere! (Technically…)

This upcoming year I will be working on a larger writing project, summarizing and expounding upon much of what I have written within this blog and spoken about on My Channel .

My intention will be to publish this work and have a tangible piece of content to offer the world before I die.

As I may have mentioned before, people who have experienced life- threatening trauma often have a shortened view of their life expectancy, and I am no different. Though never intending to end my own life, I have honestly lived most of my life believing that I will pass onto the other side before I have completed what I need to, and before I have become who I am meant to be.

I’m happy to say that I have definitely become someone I am proud of, and am working each day to be able to see a future for myself past 35. To believe that I will make it, and that no external darkness will catch up and smite me down before then.

But just in case, and just to be sure, and not just for others’ benefit, I want to publish a book. To finally hone down and scream out my frustrations and findings within pages that can serve others the insight that would have saved me many years of isolation in my own head. To feel justice in the action of calling out the behavior of others and myself; to drip empathy into empty wounds. To finally feel at peace knowing that my story will not remain unheard.

And to allow others the space and dignity to see themselves in all the shades of gray of their human condition. To underline my reactions and trace them back to the roots of choice- and how often there wasn’t one. To remind others that at the end of the day we are all bags of flesh and feelings fumbling around trying to feel as self-righteous and vindicated as possible.

And to allow fellow survivors to know that they are not alone. That there is no black and white and wrong and right in reaction to actions that have been done upon you. That you are neither villain nor victim nor entirely lost to fate’s hand. That there is beauty in the undertaking of pain, and that we will never be saints of our situations. And that that’s okay. That’s all okay. We do not need to be right or white. We don’t need to apologize to anyone outside of ourselves. We don’t need to be anyone other than the person breathing through our lungs and nose right now, as we are.

And I promise to never lose my lewd and mischievous tone, my long-winded streams of thought, or my blunt interpretations. I promise to put as much heart and thought and energy and effort into this project as I have put into this written blog, here, weekly. And I promise that it will be worth it all in the end, to staunch the flows of my creative energy, channeling them intentionally into my ultimate mission. To save my energy and use it accordingly, and to continue doing The Work with myself as much as with you all.

What you can expect here on my blog going forward is occasional updates and ramblings about life. Much the same as they have been so far- just with less frequency. I cannot give promises of consistency nor quality, as I will be trying my best to take care of myself as I undertake this work that will most likely be very triggering and exhausting.

I knew at the beginning of last year that the beginning of this year would hold this journey for me, and this weekly blog exercise has worked wonders for my writing, introspection, and discipline. All developments that I look forward to using in my work to come!

Many many thanks and love to all who have stayed tuned throughout this year of weekly blog posts. Your support, attention, validation, and acceptance has meant the world and more.

And as always; May you be Well, May you be Happy, May you be Free from Suffering ❤

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